27.1.11

This was lurking in my drafts folder...

I wrote this ages ago, way back on March 18, 2010. That's almost a year ago! Holy way-to-stay-on-top-of-your-blog, Batman! Of course, if Batman had a blog he'd probably just build something to write it for him. Damned millionaire playboys, grumble, grumble, grumble...

Anyway, this post may be old and not quite finished, but it's still relevant. I still have days like these, as do others I'm sure. So here goes:

My brain (referred to from here on as Brain) kept finding things that I just had to do before I went out. I was only heading to Michaels for a mini shopping spree, so it certainly wasn't the destination that was causing me to procrastinate. First there was the vacuuming. Ok, fair enough. Like Brain said, I probably would have been too tired to do it when I got home. Then Mad Cat needed to be brushed. Ok. I guess that was kind of important, since he was following me around meowing. When I started rearranging furniture though, I clued into Brain's evil plans. She wanted me to stay inside on a beautiful sunny day! What a bitch!


Seriously though, I hardly ever feel like that anymore. It's a horrible feeling, and I doubt someone who's never experienced it will really understand it. I find it hard to describe as well. Not quite a fear, and not quite a panic attack. I just really want to stay home and stay alone. Something as simple as grocery shopping, or even getting the mail make me cringe.


I went outside, and felt relieved as soon as I left the building. I made my way to Michaels along the Galloping Goose Trail (over the awesome bridge), and spent a very happy hour weaving my way through the aisles.


It can be bad when I'm there. I can be bad. I'll see something that I recognize from one of the many crafty-type blogs I'm addicted to ("Hey, there's that fabric paint Jennifer used on her tiger hoody! I could totally do something like that with my battered old BME shirts"). This fires up the WANT section of Brain, which in turn causes the Justification section of Brain into overdrive. I gaze at it longingly for a bit, letting my mind wander and plan, before reality jerks me back. I've spent too much on crafts and projects lately, and I have a dozen different things in various stages of completion scattered around the apartment. I really, really, shouldn't buy anything new for awhile. Then I argue with Brain for awhile, shooting practical arguments back at her, even though I secretly want her to win.


So that's the forgotten post, as is. It ends abruptly, but that's ok. All that matters is that I forced myself to go out and do something. I usually feel better when I actually get myself out there. Even though I know this, I still need reminding sometimes.

6 comments:

  1. Anonymous5.2.11

    you should blog everyday!

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  2. Anonymous5.2.11

    yeah its nice to know that how i feel somedays you feel somedays. i don't feel alone :)

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  3. I'm glad to hear that someone else "gets it". That's why I write about this stuff, not just as an outlet. And comments are awesome. Gives me another reason to post. :)

    Do you have a blog, Mr./Ms. Anonymous?

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  4. Anonymous5.2.11

    my name is sarah and no i don't have a blog i don't really have a lot of access to a computer with school and working but i do love to read others blogs! i find it interesting!

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  5. Cool! Well, nice to "meet" you Sarah. Glad you stumbled onto my blog. :)

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Thanks for commenting! It gives me the warm fuzzies. :)